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Sigh….

This weekend will mark the one-year anniversary of my dislocated and broken ankle, the weekend I spent in the hospital to have surgery, and the plate and 5 screws that still remain in my ankle.

I spent the weekend after my injury feeling stupid for missing a step while carrying laundry and hurting myself so badly.  And then during the months I spent recovering  and enduring a second surgery, I felt nothing but gratitude.  For the many people who did so much for me and my family by driving us around, cooking us meals, walking our dog, and just checking in.  For the injury itself, which showed me just what an amazing support system we have.  For the fact that I’d just broken my ankle, and didn’t have a life-threatening illness.  For the many lessons my children learned about how people take care of each other, and that a broken ankle literally is not the end of the world.

And now, almost exactly year later, I’m just feeling pissed.

ankle

According to my orthopedist, who I saw this morning for a follow-up (because my stupid ankle hurts with nearly every step I take), an “ankle fracture is an underrated injury.”  We’re going to try some physical therapy to see if I can get some relief, but after a year, it looks like the only thing that’s really going to help is another surgery to remove the plate and 5 screws (which, he told me, now that my ankle has healed, are just there for “decorative purposes”).  And after that surgery, I’ll need to be on crutches for a month.

Hey, listen, I know that Derek Jeter had a tough season, and I doubt he’s completely recovered either.  But nobody is paying me $17 million a year to spend my days rehabbing, to get back to a career that I’m about to age out of anyway.

I’m annoyed with myself for being so impatient.  And I’m annoyed with myself for no longer having the gratitude that I felt so strongly for months.  I’m hoping it’s going to return.  I guess when I broke my ankle, I thought it was just a little more temporary than it’s turned out to be.

So now, I guess it’s just time to put on my big girl pants and deal.

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