I’ve been married for a little over 16 years. I’ve learned a lot in that time. About men, mine in particular. About myself. And about learning to let certain things go for the sake of everyone’s sanity.
The most recent example: I had a week between the time I broke my ankle last Monday and when I had surgery on it this Monday. It was actually nice to have the time to get things organized, prepare, and make arrangements to get the kids where they had to be this week, since I shouldn’t be driving yet.
Know what Dave did on Sunday? He took Michael up to his room and spent about 2 hours with him, moving his clothes between his dressers and closets, getting rid of a few shirts that he’d outgrown, and putting some new things up on the walls.
But here’s the thing. Michael likes things organized, so he was happy to do it (and delighted to show off the end result to me later). I realized that Dave felt the need to do SOMETHING. He couldn’t really help me, he’d already gone food shopping and on a Costco run, and the laundry was caught up. So, you know what I did? I stayed downstairs, kept my mouth shut, and let him do something that made him feel better. Did I think it was something that would make a difference for any of us after my surgery? Nope. Is it something that I would have done if I were in the same situation? I really doubt it.
But what I’ve learned over 16 years is that sometimes, Dave is going to make a decision that is different than what I’d do. And what’s more important is that I’ve learned to be okay with that.
So, when Dave folds laundry in the living room, leaving piles of clean underwear on our beautiful piano (!), I realize that it’s going to be put away by the end of the day. I just hope that nobody stops by unexpectedly before it does.